May 17, 2017

Sitting in one of my favorite places in the world and thinking about life. Though it's hard to do with the racket happening outside. 

Of course, on the day I choose to return to the Rothko Chapel, after over 10 years have passed, there is maintenance happening on the entry way. It feels like a metaphor for my life: Project under construction. Ain't that the truth?!

Later...

So I left. And now that I've returned, I'm alone. Cool, quiet, peaceful, alone. In the moment. Something I struggle with. Always have. Always will.

Perhaps this is another metaphor? Have patience and it will all work out. Ahh, patience. Yet another thing I struggle with.

I see a pattern here. Struggle. Why am I constantly struggling?

I can blame my job. I can blame my environment. I can blame the consequences of my life. I can blame the universe. But the only one to really blame is myself.

I alone control my self.

I have the power to be happy... to be calm... to be free. 

It's about time I recognize that.

Then, as I practiced the power of positive thought, the external images around me blended together and began to animate. And internally, a clear picture came to mind. A picture of a life where I felt appreciated, supported and loved. 

As tears streamed down my face, I knew for the first time in a long time that it would all be alright. 

Then someone coughed.

I almost laughed out loud because it took so long to get to this place. And it was gone in a moment. A moment that was beyond my control.

But it was real. It happened and I was there. In the moment.

A moment I promise I will not soon forget.