Sitting in one of my favorite places in the world and thinking about life. Though it's hard to do with the racket happening outside.
Of course, on the day I choose to return to the Rothko Chapel, after over 10 years have passed, there is maintenance happening on the entry way. It feels like a metaphor for my life: Project under construction. Ain't that the truth?!
So I left. And now that I've returned, I'm alone. Cool, quiet, peaceful, alone. In the moment. Something I struggle with. Always have. Always will.
Perhaps this is another metaphor? Have patience and it will all work out. Ahh, patience. Yet another thing I struggle with.
I see a pattern here. Struggle. Why am I constantly struggling?
I can blame my job. I can blame my environment. I can blame the consequences of my life. I can blame the universe. But the only one to really blame is myself.
I alone control my self.
I have the power to be happy... to be calm... to be free.
It's about time I recognize that.
Then, as I practiced the power of positive thought, the external images around me blended together and began to animate. And internally, a clear picture came to mind. A picture of a life where I felt appreciated, supported and loved.
As tears streamed down my face, I knew for the first time in a long time that it would all be alright.
Then someone coughed.
I almost laughed out loud because it took so long to get to this place. And it was gone in a moment. A moment that was beyond my control.
But it was real. It happened and I was there. In the moment.
A moment I promise I will not soon forget.